Hey. Its been ages oh…. Don’t know where ve been but I know its good to be back. As always, carlang has worked his magic, albeit unknowingly! It really is quite weird, I read his blogs and want to write and then I read again and want to delete mine. Practice makes perfect they say but its hard to make do with mediocrity wen u’re faced with brilliance everyday!!! Sigh!!!!!
The other day, I went for a checkup. The GP was this elderly guy with crossed eyes. Quite charming, in a I’m-a-doctor-I-couldn’t-care-less-if-ure-young-and-female-m-doin-my-job way. I won’t bore u with the details of my complaint, but basically it boiled down to him having to examine my tummy and my breasts (and no!!! I am not pregnant!!). when he finished, he made a strange “Hmmm!!” sound in his throat and told me to book an appointment with the gyny ASAP. Now, people, is it just me or do you guys also get a strange scary feeling n the pit of your belly wen a doctor examines you and says “Hmmm!!”??
Needless to say, I was in a state of suspended reality from tue till thur. Everything was going by in a blur and all I could think of was that ominous sounding “Hmmm!!!”
Thursday dawned, rainy and gloomy. It hadn’t rained in a while so I figured that it was a sign portending bad fortune. My mind went thru a list of possible (and impossible) scenarios : I was pregnant (how could I be, I just saw my period), I had a lump, I was growing a martian inside, I had cystic fibrosis (I have no idea what that is, it just sounds really scary). On and on it went, until I couldn’t stand it anymore. I ran out of work two hours before my appointment, got to the clinic and proceeded to chew my nails to bits. Now the doctor, unmindful of my near-total-panic state, decided to take his sweet time in coming in (who else is tired of the third mainland bridge excuse?). A colleague from work came and met me sitting there, fairly having an epileptic fit. She smiled and asked quite sweetly,
“This one that this place is filled with pregnant women, are u sure u aren’t pregnant?”
I gave a very believable (I hope) chuckle and mumbled an obscure reply.
Finally, the doctor came in. What a relief!! I didn’t get a good look at him cos he was surrounded by nurses, who were probably guarding him from the angry preggies in the waiting room. After waiting for about 30 more mins, it was finally my turn. “Miss Ogonna?” the stern looking matron called. I looked around hopefully, maybe someone else will answer for me, maybe I don’t want to find out wat that “Hmmm!!!” meant. After all, ignorance is bliss!! After about 5 secs wen it became clear there wasn’t any other Ogonna in the room, I began to sink lower in my chair. The matron turned to me with a frown “ Isn’t that ur name?”
“Who? Oh me? Err… yeah yeah it is. Sorry, I didn’t hear you” I mumbled.
I stood up with a determined air. We’d best get it over with. I thought. It can’t be that bad. Maybe the man had some phlegm in his throat or something. The “Hmmm!!!” prob had nothing to do with me!! I trudged to the office and sat down next to this gorgeous hunk! This was the doctor??? Oh my goodness! He was adorable, nice smile, cute eyes, think ER George Clooney meets Taye Diggs. I shit u not…, all of a sudden, I wanted to be there and nowhere else. This lasted a couple of secs until he started asking me questions. He was as blunt as he was cute. No pussy-footing for this fellow. I answered all his questions as succinctly as possible. Then he said he wanted to examine me for lumps!!! Sigh!! A fine man wants to touch my breasts and all he’s looking for is lumps??? Wat a depressant!!! Sha, I walked to the table thing with the nurse who told me to take of my top and my bra. When I did, she smiled at me and said “doctor, she’s ready”. He now gets up and walks slowly towards me. He stands two feet away and stares at my breasts for 2 secs.
“Raise ur hands” he says, I comply and am treated to another stare, about 4 secs this time. “ok, u can put them down” he approaches me, stretches out two tentative fingers, brushes them over my breasts and says rather quickly,
“err, that’s ok then! No lumps!!” he turns away and makes a “hmmm”!! in his throat.
Wat was with these doctors and their “Hmmms”?? This one isn’t as ominous as the first tho. The word I’ll use is ‘suspicious’!! He quickly sits down and busies himself writing ‘doctor stuff’ while the matron hurries to cover my state of dishabilles.
As I get to my seat, he hurriedly prescribes some placebo-sounding drugs and shoos me out of the office.
But not before booking me for an appointment next week.
“To check up on some other things” he says.
I give him a look and a smile, all the while thinking of that suspicious sounding “hmmm!!!””
The other day, I went for a checkup. The GP was this elderly guy with crossed eyes. Quite charming, in a I’m-a-doctor-I-couldn’t-care-less-if-ure-young-and-female-m-doin-my-job way. I won’t bore u with the details of my complaint, but basically it boiled down to him having to examine my tummy and my breasts (and no!!! I am not pregnant!!). when he finished, he made a strange “Hmmm!!” sound in his throat and told me to book an appointment with the gyny ASAP. Now, people, is it just me or do you guys also get a strange scary feeling n the pit of your belly wen a doctor examines you and says “Hmmm!!”??
Needless to say, I was in a state of suspended reality from tue till thur. Everything was going by in a blur and all I could think of was that ominous sounding “Hmmm!!!”
Thursday dawned, rainy and gloomy. It hadn’t rained in a while so I figured that it was a sign portending bad fortune. My mind went thru a list of possible (and impossible) scenarios : I was pregnant (how could I be, I just saw my period), I had a lump, I was growing a martian inside, I had cystic fibrosis (I have no idea what that is, it just sounds really scary). On and on it went, until I couldn’t stand it anymore. I ran out of work two hours before my appointment, got to the clinic and proceeded to chew my nails to bits. Now the doctor, unmindful of my near-total-panic state, decided to take his sweet time in coming in (who else is tired of the third mainland bridge excuse?). A colleague from work came and met me sitting there, fairly having an epileptic fit. She smiled and asked quite sweetly,
“This one that this place is filled with pregnant women, are u sure u aren’t pregnant?”
I gave a very believable (I hope) chuckle and mumbled an obscure reply.
Finally, the doctor came in. What a relief!! I didn’t get a good look at him cos he was surrounded by nurses, who were probably guarding him from the angry preggies in the waiting room. After waiting for about 30 more mins, it was finally my turn. “Miss Ogonna?” the stern looking matron called. I looked around hopefully, maybe someone else will answer for me, maybe I don’t want to find out wat that “Hmmm!!!” meant. After all, ignorance is bliss!! After about 5 secs wen it became clear there wasn’t any other Ogonna in the room, I began to sink lower in my chair. The matron turned to me with a frown “ Isn’t that ur name?”
“Who? Oh me? Err… yeah yeah it is. Sorry, I didn’t hear you” I mumbled.
I stood up with a determined air. We’d best get it over with. I thought. It can’t be that bad. Maybe the man had some phlegm in his throat or something. The “Hmmm!!!” prob had nothing to do with me!! I trudged to the office and sat down next to this gorgeous hunk! This was the doctor??? Oh my goodness! He was adorable, nice smile, cute eyes, think ER George Clooney meets Taye Diggs. I shit u not…, all of a sudden, I wanted to be there and nowhere else. This lasted a couple of secs until he started asking me questions. He was as blunt as he was cute. No pussy-footing for this fellow. I answered all his questions as succinctly as possible. Then he said he wanted to examine me for lumps!!! Sigh!! A fine man wants to touch my breasts and all he’s looking for is lumps??? Wat a depressant!!! Sha, I walked to the table thing with the nurse who told me to take of my top and my bra. When I did, she smiled at me and said “doctor, she’s ready”. He now gets up and walks slowly towards me. He stands two feet away and stares at my breasts for 2 secs.
“Raise ur hands” he says, I comply and am treated to another stare, about 4 secs this time. “ok, u can put them down” he approaches me, stretches out two tentative fingers, brushes them over my breasts and says rather quickly,
“err, that’s ok then! No lumps!!” he turns away and makes a “hmmm”!! in his throat.
Wat was with these doctors and their “Hmmms”?? This one isn’t as ominous as the first tho. The word I’ll use is ‘suspicious’!! He quickly sits down and busies himself writing ‘doctor stuff’ while the matron hurries to cover my state of dishabilles.
As I get to my seat, he hurriedly prescribes some placebo-sounding drugs and shoos me out of the office.
But not before booking me for an appointment next week.
“To check up on some other things” he says.
I give him a look and a smile, all the while thinking of that suspicious sounding “hmmm!!!””
Comments
Me thinks the second hmmm is a good sign!!!